observations on myself

I am very quickly impressed with people, and then frequently… fiercely disillusioned.

I fall for people really hard. And then later, my respect for them falls really hard, usually smashes, actually.

It is painful for everyone involved. I wonder why I have to keep doing this to myself. My mom says when I was a baby, I’d smile at strangers instantaneously….and even now, the sight of children at supermarkets, parents carrying their babies, old men crossing the street, elderly women in church, etc causes me to choke up from the dear goodness of them.

At moments there seems to be so much love and goodness within people in this world…so much simple kindness, selflessness, heroism within honest-to-goodness ordinary people… They are so wondrously precious, I want to kneel, to sacrifice, to adore.

And then later, they act…different. Petty cruelty, selfish calculation, shabbiness.

Why so much beauty…and so much ugliness…in the same people. Am I imagining it….or is reality really that complicated?

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