It is not that hard to be celibate. The trick is to cut it all out, to not even take a little innocent bit of it. For us girls, that means practically—no romance novels/films, no hot songs, no replaying that romance scene from that movie in your head, no day dreaming, snapping off those feelings in the bud. And NOT obsessing over how you aren’t thinking about it either. Just letting it go. You’ll run into something that turns you on. Ok. So make an effort to not run into it again. Things become much harder to resist when they are within reach, when they are almost ok, or maybe ok, or if only I could have just a little more…
Like a black hole, the gravitational pull increases dramatically as you are closer to it, like a marble circling a drain. Just don’t go near it, if you feel a pull, don’t struggle with staying in the same place (e.g. I’m tempted by this guy, but I’ll resist and just keep reading my innocent little romance novels which feed my needs in an ok way…), WALK AWAY (e.g. avoid the guy, and throw out all the romance novels).
Cut it off,
cut off that (innocent little) habit completely,
and spend your spare time doing something else, like volunteering for a children’s hospital or tutoring algebra or teaching yourself statistics or Latin.
Some things in life are important enough to be all-or-nothing, and this is one of them. Either bind yourself with oaths to-have-and-to-hold-till- death-do-us-part, or total celibacy and abstain from any form of it at all.
I know this sounds like serious overkill, but it’s not. This isn’t because I want to be puritanical. This is because it is actually, quite simply, more practical. It is easier to keep.
“But…but then I’ll be emotionally stunted, with all those drab days, devoid of all those glorious shows and epic literature.” No you won’t. Where there is an emptiness…you will fill it with something else. Something real, something that isn’t just a fantasy to feed your appetites (be it for beauty, heroism, love). Something real. Loving others with mundane actions. And yes, even the emptiness is a treasure, a wealth. You become truer to yourself, Truer to God. Something is created out of it all, like a song on the wind. Yes it won’t be movie-star-ish, and it won’t feel epic at the moment, but it will be you. And it will be real.
This isn’t about being ‘more pure than everyone else’ or ‘being a goody-two shoes and keeping the rules’. This isn’t about being ‘correct’. This is about embracing reality, embracing your true self, embracing the real universe in all its beauty and suffering. About lifting up your arms to the wind, and letting the rain fall on your face. Being open and vulnerable to it, all of it. About pursuing the dearest freshness of deep down things….not medicating yourself with consumerist thrills and other artificial products of media corporations and depressed housewives’ moonlighting fantasies.
Because if Beauty and Love are real….then it isn’t about feeling them on-demand or in-a-bottle. They aren’t things to be consumed, mere emotional states, like drug highs, that I can grab and buy and consume, to fill ‘my needs’. No. That is to accept defeat, that is to deny meaning, that is a hollow universe.
Beauty and Love and all my aching human longings are reflections, echoes of something so much bigger than myself, something beyond the morning sky, something I choose to be open to. Something I don’t grab and consume, but choose to give myself to.
That is the difference.