The Most Horrible Sin

The most horrible sin of all is to treat yourself as worthless. God has a different opinion, and He is Truth. So don’t lie. Don’t say you are worthless, don’t even think it.

You are worthy of someone’s love. You are worthy of God’s Blood.

Self-hatred and repentance are two entirely different things.

Self-hatred says “I’m not worth it”, self-hatred just beats up on yourself, calls yourself worthless, feels trapped by a situation/addiction/failing, and continues on a cycle of self-hatred and abuse.

Repentance says, “I’m worth it”. “I’m worth more than this.” “I’m worth God’s blood.” Repentance takes responsibility, and walks away from it all. Repentance takes courage, repentance takes strength. To take responsibility — not censure or verbal abuse — but responsibility, agency. Not to cringe passively in a corner hating yourself, but to stand up and take responsibility for your actions. To choose to change (or, to be more accurate, to let God save you). To stand up tall on your two feet, to remember what you are worth. And then, to act on it.

Never give up on yourself. Never hate yourself. Do not insult all the echelons of angels by valuing yourself as worthless. Because you are worth a lot more than them. God didn’t value them enough to poop and bleed for them. But He did value you enough, and He did it for you.

God can get you out. Repent, because you are worth it.

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3 thoughts on “The Most Horrible Sin

  1. This is really lovely, Bekah! Thank you for writing it.

    I think it’s difficult though, because I don’t think self-hatred is (always) an abdication of responsibility or agency. It certainly can be, in some situations, but in others people battle against self-hatred daily, which requires a good bit of agency. But sometimes it’s a battle that they still don’t win.

  2. Hmm, you are right, self-hatred isn’t always correlated with an abdication of agency, which, I guess, was what I was really thinking about. Actually, I was thinking of one very specific situation when I wrote this, and then from that started generalizing wildly….probably, I wonder, to the point its no longer coherent/applicable. I have a tendency to do that alot…

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