I admire people. And then they do something, and it all comes crashing down. Men are so damn weak. Even good men, even very good men.
I’ve been crying a bit over it recently. This is not the first time it has has happened though, more like the 50th time. I tend to admire people probably more than I should. And then this almost always happens. It tends to feel like heartbreak…yeah, I wake up in the morning, and have this achy feeling in my chest, and then I remember why.
I guess this sounds sort of silly, but I have to forgive my ex-heroes, even though they didn’t hurt me personally. It is still important that I forgive them. Whenever people I respect let me down, or disappoint me, or do something damn low, I carry around a bitterness against them. I don’t realize that is what it is, but it is. Hence, the heaviness behind the sternum.
Forgive. I have to forgive. All of them.
Gosh, I guess it is more like 100 than just 50, now that I think of it.
With forgiveness comes freedom. Freedom from naive admiration, but freedom from cynicism too. I wonder if all cynicism is really just bitterness, hidden inside. Maybe…maybe forgiveness really is the cure to absolutely everything.
Maybe that is what Christ meant, when he said that if we forgive, we will be with God. Perhaps the root of all wrongness is just pride and bitterness. Christ said not to judge (which comes from pride) and to forgive (which releases bitterness)– and then all shall be made well. It is not that they are his pet peeves, but that they stymy healing.