There are times when you feel so tired and numb. And then you meditate for a few minutes, and realize that what is there is a grief inside of you, like a weight in your ribcage, and you aren’t even exactly sure for what. Perhaps it is (1) a chemical concoction in my brain due to my sleep patterns and sugar consumption, (2) all the griefs in this marred beautiful world that we are supposed to be chill & okay about but deep down someone is crying because it all matters, or (3) most likely both.
Maybe I don’t need to sort out when my feelings are “rational” or not, because that is beside the point. Beauty exists in this world, and decency and goodness, and that does call for a mad joy. And so do all kinds of things that do deserve a goddess weeping and rivers of tears. And there are things that are pleasant and funny, and everything in between. And it is all okay, it is okay to have all of it, because it is all true. This world isn’t rational, it’s okay if our feelings aren’t either.
It is okay to be disappointed in people and disappointed in yourself. It is good to treasure people and treasure yourself. The two go together, because you aren’t disappointed in people that you don’t respect — only the ones you do. And it is okay to let go of both of those feelings, because in the end only God will judge and God will redeem. He make whole what is incomplete, He will sanctify, and He will make what is beautiful here truly so, refined seven times. There will be a Morning of the World, when all things shall be made new.