This is a really good article about relationships.
I’ve been reading blogs of hurt and upset women trying hash through painful and destructive relationships. Part of it, I think, is a phase that is necessary for many of us (including myself) to initially detach from something after it has to be detached from, but there is another strand in the narrative that bothers me deep inside.
It’s the strand that seems to imply that there are 2 kinds of people in the world: (1) good people and (2) demonic narcissist abusive non-humans. And if you are in pain, it is somebody’s fault–theirs. There seems to be this simplistic assumption that if everyone just behaved decently, we’d never hurt each other. And pain needs anger, and anger will be the road to freedom.
The problem with hating assholes and seeing them as non-human is that–well, we are all assholes, to some extent. So if we hate them, we hate ourselves too. Then comes the self-justification shriller and shriller from the buried shame. Bitterness to bitterness, and both injured parties go to write up their splendidly crafted narratives, where it is all the other person’s fault and they are the spotless victim. Non-human and human.
Someone has to break the cycle. Maybe it is only when we treat people as human whether they “deserve” it or not–that we will realize we are human too.
This is a good article http://www.huffingtonpost.com/kelly-m-flanagan/the-9-most-overlooked-thr_b_5972534.html