This year, ask God.
If you can’t get yourself to believe He exists, ask Him for that too. It is one of the prayers in the gospels by a cynical father whose little epileptic son is dying. He begs God for faith that his son can be healed — “Lord, I believe, help my unbelief!”
And if you can’t get yourself to forgive religious folks for trying to use God for our own purposes, ask God to carry that pain for you. I’m sorry, I’ve definitely been guilty of that. Its because we are people, and not the best people, and we will sometimes sell out, and we will sometimes hurt others. Please forgive us, and don’t give up on God because of us.
If you can’t get yourself to forgive God for something He let happen to you (or someone you love), ask Him for that too. Ask Him to give you forgiveness for Him. God can love through you. He can forgive through you too. Tell him you are mad at Him, that it hurts, you don’t understand why He did that, (Job did all those things, and God loved him for it). And then ask Him to fill your heart with forgiveness for Him. For healing, for release. And ask Him to give you forgiveness for yourself too–often when I am most angry at God about some painful thing, I am also most angry at myself too. The two can be weirdly combined. Usually when it is the hardest for me to forgive someone else for something, it is because deep inside I haven’t forgiven myself for it either.
Ask God to show up. Specifically, personally, in your life now. Give Him permission to disrupt everything, to take everything. Put your life and all its details and plans on the table. Then wait for Him.
God will come.