A bit low

I’ve been having anxiety dreams and panic attacks recently. Life is alright, and things are going better than can be expected, but it’s been hard.

(1) depression/suffering of people I care about

(2) Someone I love has a current health condition that can cause potential miscarriage (with risk of maternal mortality). So far, so good, but it’s like the sword of Democles right now. Harder than I thought it would be, but yes, its going to be ok.

(3) America. I think it is over. Between the Progressives and the Trumpists, everybody hating on each other, it feels over. I’ve been having nightmares about government takeovers, totalitarians, and dictators.

Pericles died from the plague and the people turned to Alcibiades — and ultimately Athens danced to the tune of Philip of Macedon and his butcher son, Alexander the Great. Then the world went through a worship-the-divine-god-kings-of-the-Hellenistic-Empires phase. And the Republic lasted a couple centuries, until the Caesars were made gods in Rome.  It always goes this way. Democracy falls into vitriolic squabbling — and voila, then the dictators come. Maybe it is Trump. Maybe it is someone else. But I’m afraid we are moving into the terminal stage of democracy.

To quote the Rabbis of the Talmud, “If only we had not hated eachother, and loved money…and then the Romans came and destroyed the temple!”

Life will go on. I’m just in too much pain because I am total jingoist. Christian-influenced democracy, the separation of church and state but with a strong Christian civic culture, this mix between human rights and law & order, with a fair sprinkling of some egalitarian values with traditional social structures — I thought that the human race had finally gotten it right. This was it. Classical Athens and Republican Rome tried, but they were never more than halfway there — they had slaves and infanticide, and we had quit both. Besides, we had Jesus. To be honest, 20th-Century America was, as far as I was concerned, the peak of human history.

And now its all crumbling down — first in the 1970s abortion crept back in (infanticide in a new disguise), then a couple of generations of children damaged by a sex-crazed society, now the beginning of the end of freedom of speech, next, dictatorships and possibly naked imperialism.

What the hell happened?

To quote a saintly older woman who has suffered more than I can type here, but whose spirit is gentle and strong, “Our plans will fail. But God’s will not.”

Here’s a toast to you God. Show me your world.



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