Tag Archives: undergrad

Birth Control, Life cycle of stars, and Mali

I just found out that nine years ago when my little brother Mikes was born, the well-meaning doctor told my father to be responsible and get sterilized.

(My parents don’t tell me these things…)

And that little brother is only #7 child (birth order). (I’m #2)

Now there is #8 Mali, and #9 Teez. I suppose the doctor thought it was very irresponsible of my parents to bring all nine of us into the world. Zero-population growth and all that. Yes, my parents would have been so responsible if they’d stopped at 3 kids, and never had Sfsie, Jije, Zia, Mikes, Mali, and Teez.


Do they know who Mali is? MALI! She is worth….everything and then some, for lack of a better phrase.



Every kid is a miracle, a mystery, worth beyond imagination. Especially Mali. And Teez.

And those rational doctors think?????????????????????????????????????????

I’ll tell them what I think:
I suppose the earth does have a limit, eventually. But hey, our Sun’s gonna DIE, you know, and due to the life cycle of stars, its not even going to be inhabitable in less than a billion years. Human life can’t go on forever. We are a little infected rock hurtling through space with just enough liquid H2O and radiation from the right kind of star to have what we do.

And between ever-present death, craters from asteroids, famine, wars, plagues, bombs, idiocy, and out-of-control nature… is it really the wisest thing to ‘budget life’. Do you even know what you are doing? Who could have foreseen the Black Plague, the flu epidemic, the extinction of dinosaurs, the meteors that carved out the Mexican Gulf and Hudson Bay….

So get a little perspective guys: “Human Life” isn’t your paycheck you can budget, or a thing you can ‘program’. The existence of ‘Life’ is an extremely fragile, vulnerable thing. Do you think you know what you are doing, trying to ‘handle it’ and ‘budget it’ for ‘the future’ possibly 300 years from now?

And even THAT is even assuming there is no the Day of Reckoning and all that. (even though all our ancestors have assumed it…) lol, I bet you are gagging right now. ๐Ÿ˜‰

So, for all that, just in case, maybe it will make a difference, for the good of ‘life’…”better make sure there’s no Sfsie, Jije, Zia, Mikes, Mali, and Teez.” ????

Do you have the wisdom and the authority to ‘budget’ life? Do you even know what Life is? (hint: it has something to do with this word, ‘love’)

Do you know Mali? (Seriously.) Do you know Mali?

I have a relative of my mothers who told my mother to abort after the fourth child. Twelve years later, when she was visiting us, she spent the first hour playing peekaboo with giggling Mali.
just for the record, I am not exactly saying everyone must have as many kids as they possibly can. I’m talking about their mindset, and their advice to us.


OK, all my college friends and acquaintances, do you have any comments? Fire away and be frank and honest and insulting, I want to know.


Stress and Russian Chants and Idiots

I know I am stressed because I feel super-cranky with the whole world, my head feels squashed, and I can’t concentrate.

I am trying to study physics, work through calculus problems, write a paper, and NOT think about heart-breaking Dostoevsky novels…
Yup, I read part of the Idiot. Ouch. Sob. Sob.

I have Rachmaninoff’s vespers on full blast. These ancient Russian church chants help me sleep when I have insomnia, help me get up in the morning when I am sleepy, and help me study when I can’t, and help me to not be stressed, and help me not to be cranky. The worse I feel, the higher the volume. Right now I have it on full blast, cranked all the way up.

But now I start thinking about the meaning of life…russia…orthodox church….dostoevsky…the Idiot.

I want to cry and think about the Idiot and wander around the backyard barefoot, staring at the stars with my 16yrold sister and talk about the meaning of life….

Grievances with the world
1. Penn shouldn’t have finals.
2. I have to go on a field trip tomorrow and its really dumb and write a stupid paper
3. I know I am gettinga C in a class b/c I am a curmudgeon and the class stinks
3. Doestevsky wrote such a emotionally moving and disturbing novel
4. Why did Myshkin have to be so good so that you can’t help caring about him?!
5. Why ON EARTH did Aglaya have to chase Myshkin
6. Why did he fall for her???
7. Why didn’t Rogojin get run over by a train before he destroys everyone else with his psycho love that is worse than hatred??”
8. WHY ON EARTH did Nastasia run away from Myshkin!!!!!!!!!!!!???
9. Why did Nastasia treat him like that!!!!!
10. Why did Myshkin have to be deceived/fall for such a rotten group of people.
11. Why did he fall in love with the Aglaya!
12. Why are all the russians so UNSTABLE when they fall in love?!
13. Why Why Why Why!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
14. Why did Dostoevsky have to write that story and then die so I can’t even ask him about it!!!!!!
15. Why did all those internet people put it the Idiot on the web so this idiot could read it so easily??????????????????
16. Why did Dostoevsky make you care about imaginary people so much and love them and then make them all psycho and die so that readers will get psycho too and and….